Losing My Religion

This isn't me, but I wish it were.

I had a sneaking suspicion Huy Fong Sriracha sauce wasn’t actually Thai. I guess I should have known all along. First clue:  the label is in Vietnamese. Second clue:  I never ate it or saw anyone eating it while I was in Thailand. Wikipedia, however, assured me that it’s an authentic Thai condiment named after the industrial seaport, Si Racha, I once drove through.

Before my suspicions were confirmed, it had felt fitting that the Peace Corps should send me to the home of my favorite food. I believed the Hot Sauce gods were rewarding me for once eating a whole spoonful of Rooster Sauce on a dare. “You are a true disciple,” the gods would tell me in a dream, “You belong in a PC country where you can continue to damage your esophagus with very spicy food.” Hot sauce is my religion-hot sauce and Star Wars.

Then I got the bad news. There is nothing like Huy Fong Sriracha in Thailand. According to some current volunteers, there may or may not be some other red chili sauce the masquerades as Sriracha, but it’s not like Huy Fong Brand bottled joy.

Now I have no choice but to fill every spare inch of my Thailand luggage with fake Thai hot sauce. #Paradox

This is so real.

Pan-Asia

As the holidays grow near, anxiety has replaced just a tiny bit of my unbridled Peace Corps enthusiasm. Missing two Christmases with my family- known throughout the upper Midwest for its strict adherence to Holiday traditions- is sad for me. Among other things, I will dearly miss the Langland Family Trim-the-Tree party, a trip downtown Minneapolis for Holiday dining and a parade, and Christmas day with relatives in Chicagoland.

To curb the sense of loss, I’m choosing to spend my “free time” at Polypro (my heart’s just not in guar gum these days) not thinking about the holidays but instead pumping myself up for Thailand. I’m making a list of all the places in South and Southeast Asia I want to visit. I mean, I also day dream about all the development goals I will realize as a Community-Based Organizational Development worker, but when I really want to get stoked I think about travel.

At the risk of sounded jaded, “Ugh, I’ve already seen everything good in Thailand.” Kidding. Any more excitement about returning to Thailand would probably make my heart stop.  But still, most of the sites on my Asia hit-list are elsewhere on the continent. 

Unfortunately after taking a Quantitative Methods class, I can’t even muse over travel without organizing my thoughts in Excel. So I made a spreadsheet with my top ten travel destinations. Then I put them here. 

1. Cambodia.

            Angkor Wat. The world's largest religious structure? Meh, sounds alright.

2. Indonesia.

           Bali. A must if you like sunsets and long walks on the beach.

           Komodo Island. I want to feed the komodos a flamingo.

3. India.

          Delhi. My aunt is moving here. I suppose I should visit while I'm in the neighborhood.

          The Himalayas. So far the Andes are my favorite place on earth. These mountains could top

          them. Pun intended.   

          The Taj Mahal. A classic Bucket List destination.

4. Vietnam.

         Halong Bay. I realized I wanted go here when I read it will be on a new list of Seven Natural 

         Wonders.

5. Sri Lanka. Hella exotic.

6. China.

        Beijing. I want to go to there.

        The Great Wall. Come with me, and bring a large memory card for your camera.

7. Philippines.

        Puerto Princesa Cave. So many of the new Seven Wonders are in Asia!

8. The Maldives. See them before they're gone.

9. Laos. 

         Buddha Park. I went to the fake Buddha Park in Thailand it was spectacular. Can't wait to see

         the real deal.

10. Singapore. I will miss chewing gum but it'll be worth it.         

       

Fellow volunteers and potential visitors, sign up here on my 
spreadsheet if you want to visit these places with me ;)

Inappropriate Emotional Outbursts

I think my first read will be The Girl with the
Dragon Tattoo.Everyone else is reading it
and I think I will too

Leading up to Thanksgiving I played the whole leaving-the-country-for-two-years thing pretty cool. When people would ask if I was nervous, I’d let them know, “Primarily I’m excited. My job is boring and Minnesota is cold.”

Then Thanksgiving happened. Once again the Duffy Family wowed me with their love and generosity. My Grandma, aunts, uncles, and eight or so cousins all chipped in for the perfect Peace Corps companion, an e-reader, plus a compilation of their favorite books (it's like they knew I would need suggestions for books that don't have, "economics" in the title).

As my friend Alisa once pointed out, I’m a bad present-receiver. My snarky, insincere voice makes it hard to show appreciation even when I really dig a gift. So when I started sobbing on Thanksgiving, it may have been my first-ever convincing display of gratitude.

The whole incident, while heart-warming, has been bad for my street cred. The teary out-pouring pushed open opened my ocular flood gates and I’ve been crying off and on ever since. I cried when we decorated the Christmas tree, I cried when I heard the insufferable Elvis rendition of Blue Christmas, and I sniffled a little at work today while I added dates to a 2012 calendar. Odds are that I will cry many more times before January 8^th. And the worst part is I tell people, “Oh yeah, I’m not really a crier.”

The Beatles Said it Better

I'm still looking for songs to add to my Thailand playlist. I need a few more songs that mirror my pre-departure excitement. Actually, me and my hypothetical band, Pat Buchanan and the Culture Warriors, are writing a good song to add to the list. It's got kind of post-punk, metal vibe and goes something like, "Pad Thai, bitches. I'm gonna eat Pad Thai in Bangkok." Maybe.

Unfortunately, my fake band can't write real music (if they could the world would be filled of songs about the Lorenz Curve and commodity prices) so I  rely on the work of other's (like Rush) to express my Thailand enthusiasm.

Today the Beatles got it right for me.

Last Christmas

Yesterday, I pledged to thoroughly and unabashedly celebrate Christmas until the minute I board the plane for staging. To comply with this personal mandate I will feel no guilt while listening to "Baby, It's Cold Outside" on repeat fifteen days before Thanksgiving and I will only drink coffee from my Christmas mug. I'm going to deck the halls so hard, the slightest whiff of pine after January 6th will make me nauseous. I will need till  December 2014 just to recover. After all, this is my last Christmas in the States and I will by merry enough for three holiday seasons. 

So if you see me on the street sporting an ugly Rudolph sweater, don't judge, I'm just getting my fill. And to help you get yours, I leave you with this video of- not because it's relevant but because it shares its name with this post- "Last Christmas" featuring Elton "Wishes he were John" Langland as the singer-songwriter, George Michael.

Also Featuring: Nicki Reichelt, Claire Langland, and myself

Eating Cheesesteak Next to the Liberty Bell

Apparently I was in Philadelphia in 1992.  I don’t remember it, so I was really looking forward to a brief sojourn in Ben Franklin’s home town  while the Peace Corps shot me up with the typhoid vaccine. I made a  Philly "hits list" and then preceded to tell everyone I know that on January 6^th (or 7th) I would eat my first ever Philly Cheesesteak on the steps of Independence Hall, basking in the copper glory of the Liberty Bell. If my last US meal was a greasy meat sandwich next to a beloved American bell, I could die happy, or at least leave for Bangkok happy. Then, if I got around to it I would go see the fictional site of Paddy’s Pub.

I was very sure that staging was in Philadelphia. My mind’s eye had seen it written all over the place. It was clearly noted in my invitation packet and written on the walls of PC Mecca, Peace Corps Wiki.

So in a “Classic El” move I shared with the other volunteers that staging was in Philadelphia. I think they were jealous that the Peace Corps chose me as the sole recipient of this knowledge.

I’m kidding, because as you may have guessed the news wasn’t broken on any of those sources. Nowhere does it say where Group 124 has staging. Last year’s group went through Philly. So I guess I read that and “over-connected” the dots.

Already being the laughing-stock of PC Thailand I can deal with but I’m struggling with the cheesesteak insecurity. Not being a beef fan, they may look better than they taste. But dammit, they’re as American as the Liberty Bell and that’s good enough for me.

Eff that SOT

I own this. Maybe some day I'll open it

In fourth grade I told people I wanted to be the Secretary of State. That dream didn’t die like my crush on Aaron Carter but at some point it was scaled back. The slightly less ambitious manifestation of my early career aspirations lead me to the Foreign Service.

Intrigued by any career that uses a multiple choice history exam to hire employees, I signed up for the FSOT (Foreign Service Officer’ Test). Consistent with my MO however, I watched movies and ate Kung Pow Chicken the night before the exam instead of studying. But around 50% of test-takers pass and thanks to AP US History and an essay question on energy policy, I was one of them.

I was more zealous about FS selection process before I was invited to serve in Thailand and my medium-run employment was secured. The zeal briefly returned when I passed the test but diminished again when I read the prompts for the Personal Statement (the next step in the application process). The prompts themselves are humbling reminders that I’m a 20-year-old accounting assistant with a just a bachelor’s and relatively little life experience. And they’re extra tough to write because the State Department really doesn’t want you to lie :P

I’m so excited to be doing what I love in Thailand for the next two years that it’s hard to be excited about writing a lengthy statement intended to weed out a lot of applicants. But I am excited by the thought of one day negotiating American and World economic interests abroad. And from the exam to diplomatic appointment, Foreign Service selection can be a multi-year process. This may be the best time to give it the old college try. The PS is due November 16^th so at the absolute earliest I will start writing is the 13^th (in the mean time I may write two to three more blog posts, because I don’t have to write those). And this may the round where I’m weeded out. But this is (kind of) my life long dream and I would be a great diplomat so I’ll let you know how it goes :)