Saturday, December 31, 2011

Culture Shock: Part I

As a joyous holiday season comes to a close (here I owe a quick and cheesy thank you to all of my friends and family, you made this a perfect Christmas), I’m looking forward to a New Year’s Eve that yields a few memories than last year’s  hazy debauchery. I’m also packing today, and trying not to panic about leaving (on a side note, I’m also nervously biting off what little is left of my fingernails). Per usual, I draw comfort from graphs, data, and schematics.

Before I left for Slutty...I mean Study Abroad, a Student Orientation Leader showed us a graph that was supposed to explain Culture Shock. She assured us that most people’s emotions would follow a similar trajectory.

Two months in to Study Abroad, a friend, Caitlin and I were making travel arrangements back to Lima after sandboarding on the Southern Coast for a weekend. We were also discussing how, “we must be above culture shock because we’re totally adjusted to Peru” (see Step 1). In a novel, they would call this foreshadowing, because within the hour we were mugged in a church (see Step 2).

After being thrown into Culture Shock, I think we both made it through the following steps and are pretty sure it was the best six months of our lives so far (right, Caitlin?).

The culture shock diagram turned out to be pretty real. And now it’s a comfort , because I know almost certainly, I will feel all nine of the steps more intensely than I even understand right now. So this post will serve as a Part 1 in a nine part series I will write on my journey through culture shock. Actually, let’s be real, it will probably only have four or five parts, because there’s no way I’ll be motivated to keep a blog that long.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Irreplaceable

Thursday December 22nd in my last day at Polypro, but I may still be answering my cell phone with "Polypro International, El speaking," for a while. I was hired as a temporary accounting assistant after graduation, but managed to earn my keep while the Peace Corps toyed with my emotions for several months. My departure has been inevitable since day one so it shouldn’t bother me that I’m being replaced.

As we speak, my superiors are interviewing a ginger named Stephanie with an actual accounting background. It's a good thing you can't see my face from the conference room, because I'm seething. 

Polypro and I have had a good working relationship. Despite having to field the occasional call from Halliburton, I've enjoyed counting money there. And I think Polypro likes me back. We're amicably parting ways as I go off to chase my dreams in Asia. I guess I’m happy that Polypro and Stephanie found each other. But honestly, I can't bear the possibility that they may not miss me.

I can hear Stephanie making our comptroller laugh. I’m quietly growling. Now the logistics person is chuckling. My ego can’t bear it.

So what if Stephanie ends up being a better accountant. I just don’t want her to be funnier than me.


Friday, December 16, 2011

Little Lion City

This is year PC training is in Sing Buri, Thailand. This is how you write Sing Buri in Thai, สิงห์บุรี. Sing Buri comes from the Sanskrit words for lion, Singh and town, Puri.  Around 20,000 people live in Sing Buri. As the travel blog, Planet Ware puts it, “Singburi, on the right side of the Menam Chao Phraya River , 74 miles north of Bangkok in the middle of the central plain of Thailand with its endless rice fields, is the junction of several important roads. The town itself has no interesting sights.” Below is a picture on an alligator entering someone’s home in Sing Buri.

And yet, I can’t wait to call Sing Buri home.


Monday, December 12, 2011

I Wait So Long


Occasionally, my creative side and my egotistical side team up to replace words in popular songs with lyrics more relevant to my life.

One of my better parodies was born the weekend I went fishing in Necedah, WI.

To the tune of Tom Petty’s “Free Falling:”

It’s a long day fishing in Necedah…

And that's all she wrote. Sadly, my creativity usually wears out long before my ego.

Today, inspired by a seemingly endless wait for staging on January 8th, I took on the Trampled by Turtle song, “Wait So Long.”

I wait so long, I wait so looonnng. I wait so long, I wait so loooonnng…

…That’s as far as I got.

Please enjoy the real version.



Friday, December 9, 2011

Detroit Plans to Welcome Guests

Detroit Free Press  1912
January 8th I begin training as Peace Corps Volunteer in the Paris of the Midwest (a snarky nickname I usually reserve for Milwaukee). I wasn't looking forward to spending my last stateside hours in Motown, but I was reassured that the Motor City "will set a high standard of entertainment for tourists."

Monday, December 5, 2011

Losing My Religion


This isn't me, but I wish it were.
I had a sneaking suspicion Huy Fong Sriracha sauce wasn’t actually Thai. I guess I should have known all along. First clue:  the label is in Vietnamese. Second clue:  I never ate it or saw anyone eating it while I was in Thailand. Wikipedia, however, assured me that it’s an authentic Thai condiment named after the industrial seaport, Si Racha, I once drove through.

Before my suspicions were confirmed, it had felt fitting that the Peace Corps should send me to the home of my favorite food. I believed the Hot Sauce gods were rewarding me for once eating a whole spoonful of Rooster Sauce on a dare. “You are a true disciple,” the gods would tell me in a dream, “You belong in a PC country where you can continue to damage your esophagus with very spicy food.” Hot sauce is my religion-hot sauce and Star Wars.

Then I got the bad news. There is nothing like Huy Fong Sriracha in Thailand. According to some current volunteers, there may or may not be some other red chili sauce the masquerades as Sriracha, but it’s not like Huy Fong Brand bottled joy.

Now I have no choice but to fill every spare inch of my Thailand luggage with fake Thai hot sauce. #Paradox

This is so real.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Pan-Asia

As the holidays grow near, anxiety has replaced just a tiny bit of my unbridled Peace Corps enthusiasm. Missing two Christmases with my family- known throughout the upper Midwest for its strict adherence to Holiday traditions- is sad for me. Among other things, I will dearly miss the Langland Family Trim-the-Tree party, a trip downtown Minneapolis for Holiday dining and a parade, and Christmas day with relatives in Chicagoland.

To curb the sense of loss, I’m choosing to spend my “free time” at Polypro (my heart’s just not in guar gum these days) not thinking about the holidays but instead pumping myself up for Thailand. I’m making a list of all the places in South and Southeast Asia I want to visit. I mean, I also day dream about all the development goals I will realize as a Community-Based Organizational Development worker, but when I really want to get stoked I think about travel.

At the risk of sounded jaded, “Ugh, I’ve already seen everything good in Thailand.” Kidding. Any more excitement about returning to Thailand would probably make my heart stop.  But still, most of the sites on my Asia hit-list are elsewhere on the continent. 

Unfortunately after taking a Quantitative Methods class, I can’t even muse over travel without organizing my thoughts in Excel. So I made a spreadsheet with my top ten travel destinations. Then I put them here. 

1. Cambodia.
            Angkor Wat. The world's largest religious structure? Meh, sounds alright.
2. Indonesia.
           Bali. A must if you like sunsets and long walks on the beach.
           Komodo Island. I want to feed the komodos a flamingo.
3. India.
          Delhi. My aunt is moving here. I suppose I should visit while I'm in the neighborhood.
          The Himalayas. So far the Andes are my favorite place on earth. These mountains could top
          them. Pun intended.   
          The Taj Mahal. A classic Bucket List destination.
4. Vietnam.
         Halong Bay. I realized I wanted go here when I read it will be on a new list of Seven Natural 
         Wonders.
5. Sri Lanka. Hella exotic.
6. China.
        Beijing. I want to go to there.
        The Great Wall. Come with me, and bring a large memory card for your camera.
7. Philippines.
        Puerto Princesa Cave. So many of the new Seven Wonders are in Asia!
8. The Maldives. See them before they're gone.
9. Laos. 
         Buddha Park. I went to the fake Buddha Park in Thailand it was spectacular. Can't wait to see
         the real deal.
10. Singapore. I will miss chewing gum but it'll be worth it.         
       

Fellow volunteers and potential visitors, sign up here on my 
spreadsheet if you want to visit these places with me ;)


Monday, November 28, 2011

Inappropriate Emotional Outbursts


I think my first read will be The Girl with the
Dragon Tattoo.
Everyone else is reading it
and I think I will too

Leading up to Thanksgiving I played the whole leaving-the-country-for-two-years thing pretty cool. When people would ask if I was nervous, I’d let them know, “Primarily I’m excited. My job is boring and Minnesota is cold.”

Then Thanksgiving happened. Once again the Duffy Family wowed me with their love and generosity. My Grandma, aunts, uncles, and eight or so cousins all chipped in for the perfect Peace Corps companion, an e-reader, plus a compilation of their favorite books (it's like they knew I would need suggestions for books that don't have, "economics" in the title).

As my friend Alisa once pointed out, I’m a bad present-receiver. My snarky, insincere voice makes it hard to show appreciation even when I really dig a gift. So when I started sobbing on Thanksgiving, it may have been my first-ever convincing display of gratitude.

The whole incident, while heart-warming, has been bad for my street cred. The teary out-pouring pushed open opened my ocular flood gates and I’ve been crying off and on ever since. I cried when we decorated the Christmas tree, I cried when I heard the insufferable Elvis rendition of Blue Christmas, and I sniffled a little at work today while I added dates to a 2012 calendar. Odds are that I will cry many more times before January 8th. And the worst part is I tell people, “Oh yeah, I’m not really a crier.”

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

The Beatles Said it Better

I'm still looking for songs to add to my Thailand playlist. I need a few more songs that mirror my pre-departure excitement. Actually, me and my hypothetical band, Pat Buchanan and the Culture Warriors, are writing a good song to add to the list. It's got kind of post-punk, metal vibe and goes something like, "Pad Thai, bitches. I'm gonna eat Pad Thai in Bangkok." Maybe.

Unfortunately, my fake band can't write real music (if they could the world would be filled of songs about the Lorenz Curve and commodity prices) so I  rely on the work of other's (like Rush) to express my Thailand enthusiasm.

Today the Beatles got it right for me.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Last Christmas


Yesterday, I pledged to thoroughly and unabashedly celebrate Christmas until the minute I board the plane for staging. To comply with this personal mandate I will feel no guilt while listening to "Baby, It's Cold Outside" on repeat fifteen days before Thanksgiving and I will only drink coffee from my Christmas mug. I'm going to deck the halls so hard, the slightest whiff of pine after January 6th will make me nauseous. I will need till  December 2014 just to recover. After all, this is my last Christmas in the States and I will by merry enough for three holiday seasons. 

So if you see me on the street sporting an ugly Rudolph sweater, don't judge, I'm just getting my fill. And to help you get yours, I leave you with this video of- not because it's relevant but because it shares its name with this post- "Last Christmas" featuring Elton "Wishes he were John" Langland as the singer-songwriter, George Michael.

Also Featuring: Nicki Reichelt, Claire Langland, and myself

Monday, November 7, 2011

Eating Cheesesteak Next to the Liberty Bell



Apparently I was in Philadelphia in 1992.  I don’t remember it, so I was really looking forward to a brief sojourn in Ben Franklin’s home town  while the Peace Corps shot me up with the typhoid vaccine. I made a  Philly "hits list" and then preceded to tell everyone I know that on January 6th (or 7th) I would eat my first ever Philly Cheesesteak on the steps of Independence Hall, basking in the copper glory of the Liberty Bell. If my last US meal was a greasy meat sandwich next to a beloved American bell, I could die happy, or at least leave for Bangkok happy. Then, if I got around to it I would go see the fictional site of Paddy’s Pub.

I was very sure that staging was in Philadelphia. My mind’s eye had seen it written all over the place. It was clearly noted in my invitation packet and written on the walls of PC Mecca, Peace Corps Wiki.

So in a “Classic El” move I shared with the other volunteers that staging was in Philadelphia. I think they were jealous that the Peace Corps chose me as the sole recipient of this knowledge.

I’m kidding, because as you may have guessed the news wasn’t broken on any of those sources. Nowhere does it say where Group 124 has staging. Last year’s group went through Philly. So I guess I read that and “over-connected” the dots.

Already being the laughing-stock of PC Thailand I can deal with but I’m struggling with the cheesesteak insecurity. Not being a beef fan, they may look better than they taste. But dammit, they’re as American as the Liberty Bell and that’s good enough for me.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Eff that SOT


I own this. Maybe some day I'll open it

In fourth grade I told people I wanted to be the Secretary of State. That dream didn’t die like my crush on Aaron Carter but at some point it was scaled back. The slightly less ambitious manifestation of my early career aspirations lead me to the Foreign Service.

Intrigued by any career that uses a multiple choice history exam to hire employees, I signed up for the FSOT (Foreign Service Officer’ Test). Consistent with my MO however, I watched movies and ate Kung Pow Chicken the night before the exam instead of studying. But around 50% of test-takers pass and thanks to AP US History and an essay question on energy policy, I was one of them.

I was more zealous about FS selection process before I was invited to serve in Thailand and my medium-run employment was secured. The zeal briefly returned when I passed the test but diminished again when I read the prompts for the Personal Statement (the next step in the application process). The prompts themselves are humbling reminders that I’m a 20-year-old accounting assistant with a just a bachelor’s and relatively little life experience. And they’re extra tough to write because the State Department really doesn’t want you to lie :P

I’m so excited to be doing what I love in Thailand for the next two years that it’s hard to be excited about writing a lengthy statement intended to weed out a lot of applicants. But I am excited by the thought of one day negotiating American and World economic interests abroad. And from the exam to diplomatic appointment, Foreign Service selection can be a multi-year process. This may be the best time to give it the old college try. The PS is due November 16th so at the absolute earliest I will start writing is the 13th (in the mean time I may write two to three more blog posts, because I don’t have to write those). And this may the round where I’m weeded out. But this is (kind of) my life long dream and I would be a great diplomat so I’ll let you know how it goes :) 

Friday, October 28, 2011

Mae Nak Phra Khanong: A Ghost Story

Trolling the internet today, I happened across a Thai ghost story. No, this is lie. I very deliberately googled "Thai Ghost Stories" so I would have something tantalizing for my Halloween blog post. What I found is a true story of love that endures beyond the grave (or for the sake of religious accuracy, crematory monument). It's worth noting, like any true ghost story this one has many variations. I pick and chose my favorite parts. So without further ado: The Story of Mae Nak (with footnotes).

In the time of King Mongkut 1 Siam waged many wars on the Shan people of Burma 2. During one such conflict Mak, the young husband of Mae Nak3, is called away to serve his King on the Burmese border. Nak is heart broken thinking her husband may not live to meet their unborn child.

After many months of bravely slaughtering Burmese4, Mak is critically injured and sent to Bangkok to coalesce. It is during Mak's stay in BKK5 that his wife dies unexpectedly giving birth to a son. Sadly, the news doesn't reach our protagonist and he makes his way home expecting to find his loving wife and child.

A film depiction of Mae Nak
Interestingly, that's exactly what he finds. Nak's "undying6" love for Mak won't let her soul move on. So Mak unwittingly settles into his life with the undead.

A busybody neighbor tries to warn Mak of Nak's metaphysical transformation but police records show she was burned alive in a unexplained house fire7. Mak's own mother-in-law drops by to tell him he's living with the ghost of her dead daughter, but  then she drops dead before she can utter the words.

Perhaps if  Nak had been able to keep up the charade, they all could have happily in limbo until Mak's own passing when they would be reunited in some kind of Kharmic, reincarnative after-life8. Unfortunately for all modern Thai children afraid of ghosts , one day Mak witnesses his corpse bride extending her arm through the ceiling into the upstairs bedroom to "grab something." Mak knows he's seen too much and devises a plan to escape. 
Wat Mahabut, the legendary
safe haven for Mak12

That night Mak bites the bullet and gets into bed with his dead wife one more time before excusing himself to relieve himself. 

The ghost of Nak knows Mak has run away but doesn't reach him before he jumps into a sticky Blumea plant9. Covered in Blumea sap, Mak runs to the only other place he's sure he's safe from his dead lover, the hallowed ground of a temple.

Statue of Nak at Wat Mahabut
Knowing she has lost the love of her after-life, Mae Nak returns to her village to...why else?..terrorize the town folk. The village is then plagued by illness and violence until a town elder suggests they call in a specialist...an exorcist10

The exorcist binds Nak's soul to the skull of her corpse. Here her soul will remain until an unsuspecting virgin farang visits Nak's shrine at Wat Mahabut, lights a black flame candle, and unleashes her vengeful spirit11




You may remember this venerated Thai leader from his unflattering portrayal in Rodgers and Hammerstein's beloved musical, The King and I.
Or Myanmar, depending on which dictatorship/occupation  you choose to validate.
3 Ms. Nak. Mae is Ms. in Thai.
4 Man, those Bumese cannot catch a break.
5 BKK is the cool way to write Bangkok.
6 Pun intended
No they don't. This is anachronistic and made up.
8The mechanics of reincarnation in Theravada Buddhism are fuzzy to me.
Fun fact: ghosts hate sticky blumea leaves.
10Cue Tubular Bells.
11 So, this last bit is based on Disney's Hocus Pocus. But the real versions aren't very scary. Thais respect her deep devotion to her husband and visit the shrine erected in her honor. She's like the Patron Saint of Obsession.
12Fellow volunteers, we're going here next Halloween

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Telai-Ka?

When I went to Thailand in 2008, I learned about five words. I think karma is sending me back to learn Thai.

 I purchased Rosetta Stone, so now I can say things like, "airplane" and "the two girls are hopping," or maybe running- it's really hard to tell from the image. I am focusing on learning the numbers, though.

One of the those five words I learned was some kind of anglicized approximation of, "how much?" (as in, how much does it cost?) As a precocious 17-year-old, I would go up to every shop-owner or street vendor and proundly ask, "telai-ka?" somehow forgetting each time that I wouldn't understand their Thai reply.

So now is the time to nail down that counting thing, so when I order my firsrt Pad Thai in Bangkok I won't be that farang- farang is Westerner, I know that one too ;)

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Deep In The Heart of Dixie

It will be along time before I see many of my relatives again so my dad and I planned a trip to Dixie to say goodbye. I got back from Clanton, AL yesterday via Atlanta.

 In Clanton one might hear a local say, "if y'all ain't got nottin' nice to say, don't say nottin' at all." Keeping with that spirit I will not say anything more about my time below the Mason-Dixon Line. Instead I will leave you with a picture of me, my dad, and King Cotton.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Thailand Underwater

As it starts to pour in Edina, MN, I reflect on my leaky office window, rejoicing Midwestern farmers, the price of corn futures, primarily though, I turn my attention to the flooded plains of my soon-to-be home, Thailand.

First and foremost I'd like to blame global warming, damn you global warming. After that, I don't have a lot of insight. Thais are frustrated with the national government's response.The new prime minister, Yingluck Shinawatra, has underestimated the scope of the floods at every turn, and according to her electorate, was not prepared to deal with the  evacuations, factory shutdowns, food security risks, and flooding in the capital city.

Not yet knowing what to think of Thai politics, I mostly consider the human suffering. 280 are confirmed dead while the economy and agriculture go into shutdown. There is potential for the situation to get much worse if the waters again exceed expectations as they move into Bangkok.

I don't have a take-home message for this post, but it would be difficult to understate this situation (thanks Harry Gabe for pointing this out) and my deepest condolences are with the Thais, still smiling as they confront story-high waters.

The following article and blog offer a good look at the dire situation:

http://womenlearnthai.com/index.php/ayutthaya-underwater-bangkok-now-bracing-for-floods/


Photo I took in the ancient Thai capital, Ayutthaya.



Photo from Ayutthaya several days ago

Photo from Central Thailand borrowed from a current volunteer




Wednesday, October 5, 2011

ANTICIPA...TION

Sometimes I get so excited about leaving for  Thailand I can’t breathe and my body twitches with excitement. 


On second thought, that may be the coffee.


Sunday, October 2, 2011

Nothing To Do Except See You

Yesterday, I took the US Foreign Service Officer's Exam, just for fun. Friday, I wrote my personal statement to send over to the Peace Corps staff in Thailand. I'm done studying and done writing, forever. Now, there is  nothing I have to do before January 6th.

Please call me. I want to hang out with [insert your name here] before I leave. We'll have a good time, I promise.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Passage To Bangkok

Check out a sample from  the Thailand Playlist I'm making:

Monday, September 19, 2011

Siam I Am

After weeks of cursing the words "Peace" and "Corps," I was contacted by the Agriculture Placement Specialist who asked if I would be okay serving Asia. Ready to accept any kind of certainty, I gave him an emphatic, "Yes!"

Almost immediately I began brainstorming names for my future blog.  There were so many good ones it was hard to decide ;) I like naming blogs almost as much as I like naming my hypothetical band.

My departure to Philadelphia is set for January 6th, with departure to Thailand two days later. I am thrilled to begin work in my field, agribusiness ( I knew that Economic Development in SE Asia course would pay off one day) and thrilled to be returning to the Land of Smiles.

I look forward to your feedback and comments on this blog.