More for Me

"More for you"

Americans are coddled meat-eaters. In a land apparently renowned for its steak eating (everyday someone asks me if I miss sa-take), we're pretty choosy about our meat. Skin, gristle, and blood are all discarded and only tolerated in hot dogs. If it's not chicken breast or a quality filet mignon, most Americans say, "give it to the dogs."

Thais feel very differently; their dogs don't get perfectly good pieces of pork skin. To a Thai, pork just tastes better if there's skin on it and the skin still has few stray hairs sticking out of it. Chicken fat is first scooped into my bowl of rice to make sure I get some, and then later scooped out to make sure it doesn't go to waste.

My spoiled American diet confuses my Thais. And the confusion goes both ways. The hummus I brought to our potluck lunch was not embraced. Cheese is looked down upon. And although salsa is almost exactly like Thai food, it is poo-pooed.

Though now we've reached a kind of understanding. If we're eating curry, I'll pick out most of the vegetables and a few skinless pieces of breast meat and everyone else will eat the marrow, liver, intestines, and- if there's fish- the head. People have given up on saving the prized chunks for me. They don't understand our culture's organ meat aversion but now they don't have to share.

Our stalemate might best be described by the  phrase I taught my office on hummus day, "More for me." The Tessaban ladies felt guilty for not liking hummus, "it doesn't taste good with rice." No shit. It's not supposed to go on rice. But I just smiled and explain why it's okay because now there's, "more for me."

The new expression has really caught on.  And it's meaning has expanded. Like today, Bob Dylan's 71st birthday, I played Desolation Row in the office. My friend Ning gave me a confused smile and said, "More for you."

This is Why You're Fat: Thailand Edition

Thais are deeply afraid of cheese. I can't mention the word without someone saying, "that's why you're fat, Nong El." And that may be why I'm fat but Why are you fat?You can't blame cheese. Cheese may help explain the obesity crisis in Wisconsin (though beer probably does a better job) but it doesn't explain why heart disease, diabetes, and obesity are on the rise in Thailand.

Could it be the four to five bowls full of white, fiber-less rice everyday?

This is why you're fat, Thailand.

Mi Strip Mall Es Su Strip Mall

Of the five or six qualifications for any building to be considered a house, my stall has about four of them. It makes the cut in the bedroom department ;)- meaning it has one- it also has a bathroom. And that's where it stops being a house. My stall, in a long row of stalls just like it, lacks a kitchen, furniture, and a real door. It's probably a better venue for selling pineapple than living in, but I like it.







I have an English-speaking neighbor. I live between two restaurants, competing for my loyalty with free sticky rice and wine coolers. Painfully slow wi-fi is included. My morning commute is down to 6 minutes.There's plenty of space to do yoga, if I ever decide that's something I want to do. My toilet is of the western variety. And one day soon I'll buy a stove so I can make tacos.
Home sweet strip mall.

Punny

Having too much time on my hands is a recurring theme in this blog. But the problem gotten worse not better since I left the world of number-crunching. When people ask me what I do in Thailand, I think they are surprised to learn how much of my time is dedicated to eating mangoes. But recently I've added punning to my schedule.
The time I used to spend writing song titles for my hypothetical band, Pat Buchanan and The Culture Warriors, I now devote to thinking up blog post titles and helping friends rename their blogs. Here are the reject blog names I spent hours on last week:

"Rice n' Shine"
"En-Thai-cing"
"WATchamacallit?"
"Thai-scream, You Scream"
"Good Thai-ming"
"Thai is of he Essence"
"Siamese if You Please"
"No Thai like the Present"
"Wai not?"
"Desperate Thais Call for Desperate Measures"
"So Much to Do, So Little Thai"*
"Thai it, You'll like it"
"Siammit!"
"Thai me a River"


*Note the irony