Losing My Religion

This isn't me, but I wish it were.

I had a sneaking suspicion Huy Fong Sriracha sauce wasn’t actually Thai. I guess I should have known all along. First clue:  the label is in Vietnamese. Second clue:  I never ate it or saw anyone eating it while I was in Thailand. Wikipedia, however, assured me that it’s an authentic Thai condiment named after the industrial seaport, Si Racha, I once drove through.

Before my suspicions were confirmed, it had felt fitting that the Peace Corps should send me to the home of my favorite food. I believed the Hot Sauce gods were rewarding me for once eating a whole spoonful of Rooster Sauce on a dare. “You are a true disciple,” the gods would tell me in a dream, “You belong in a PC country where you can continue to damage your esophagus with very spicy food.” Hot sauce is my religion-hot sauce and Star Wars.

Then I got the bad news. There is nothing like Huy Fong Sriracha in Thailand. According to some current volunteers, there may or may not be some other red chili sauce the masquerades as Sriracha, but it’s not like Huy Fong Brand bottled joy.

Now I have no choice but to fill every spare inch of my Thailand luggage with fake Thai hot sauce. #Paradox

This is so real.