Inappropriate Emotional Outbursts

I think my first read will be The Girl with the
Dragon Tattoo.Everyone else is reading it
and I think I will too

Leading up to Thanksgiving I played the whole leaving-the-country-for-two-years thing pretty cool. When people would ask if I was nervous, I’d let them know, “Primarily I’m excited. My job is boring and Minnesota is cold.”

Then Thanksgiving happened. Once again the Duffy Family wowed me with their love and generosity. My Grandma, aunts, uncles, and eight or so cousins all chipped in for the perfect Peace Corps companion, an e-reader, plus a compilation of their favorite books (it's like they knew I would need suggestions for books that don't have, "economics" in the title).

As my friend Alisa once pointed out, I’m a bad present-receiver. My snarky, insincere voice makes it hard to show appreciation even when I really dig a gift. So when I started sobbing on Thanksgiving, it may have been my first-ever convincing display of gratitude.

The whole incident, while heart-warming, has been bad for my street cred. The teary out-pouring pushed open opened my ocular flood gates and I’ve been crying off and on ever since. I cried when we decorated the Christmas tree, I cried when I heard the insufferable Elvis rendition of Blue Christmas, and I sniffled a little at work today while I added dates to a 2012 calendar. Odds are that I will cry many more times before January 8^th. And the worst part is I tell people, “Oh yeah, I’m not really a crier.”

The Beatles Said it Better

I'm still looking for songs to add to my Thailand playlist. I need a few more songs that mirror my pre-departure excitement. Actually, me and my hypothetical band, Pat Buchanan and the Culture Warriors, are writing a good song to add to the list. It's got kind of post-punk, metal vibe and goes something like, "Pad Thai, bitches. I'm gonna eat Pad Thai in Bangkok." Maybe.

Unfortunately, my fake band can't write real music (if they could the world would be filled of songs about the Lorenz Curve and commodity prices) so I  rely on the work of other's (like Rush) to express my Thailand enthusiasm.

Today the Beatles got it right for me.

Last Christmas

Yesterday, I pledged to thoroughly and unabashedly celebrate Christmas until the minute I board the plane for staging. To comply with this personal mandate I will feel no guilt while listening to "Baby, It's Cold Outside" on repeat fifteen days before Thanksgiving and I will only drink coffee from my Christmas mug. I'm going to deck the halls so hard, the slightest whiff of pine after January 6th will make me nauseous. I will need till  December 2014 just to recover. After all, this is my last Christmas in the States and I will by merry enough for three holiday seasons. 

So if you see me on the street sporting an ugly Rudolph sweater, don't judge, I'm just getting my fill. And to help you get yours, I leave you with this video of- not because it's relevant but because it shares its name with this post- "Last Christmas" featuring Elton "Wishes he were John" Langland as the singer-songwriter, George Michael.

Also Featuring: Nicki Reichelt, Claire Langland, and myself

Eating Cheesesteak Next to the Liberty Bell

Apparently I was in Philadelphia in 1992.  I don’t remember it, so I was really looking forward to a brief sojourn in Ben Franklin’s home town  while the Peace Corps shot me up with the typhoid vaccine. I made a  Philly "hits list" and then preceded to tell everyone I know that on January 6^th (or 7th) I would eat my first ever Philly Cheesesteak on the steps of Independence Hall, basking in the copper glory of the Liberty Bell. If my last US meal was a greasy meat sandwich next to a beloved American bell, I could die happy, or at least leave for Bangkok happy. Then, if I got around to it I would go see the fictional site of Paddy’s Pub.

I was very sure that staging was in Philadelphia. My mind’s eye had seen it written all over the place. It was clearly noted in my invitation packet and written on the walls of PC Mecca, Peace Corps Wiki.

So in a “Classic El” move I shared with the other volunteers that staging was in Philadelphia. I think they were jealous that the Peace Corps chose me as the sole recipient of this knowledge.

I’m kidding, because as you may have guessed the news wasn’t broken on any of those sources. Nowhere does it say where Group 124 has staging. Last year’s group went through Philly. So I guess I read that and “over-connected” the dots.

Already being the laughing-stock of PC Thailand I can deal with but I’m struggling with the cheesesteak insecurity. Not being a beef fan, they may look better than they taste. But dammit, they’re as American as the Liberty Bell and that’s good enough for me.

Eff that SOT

I own this. Maybe some day I'll open it

In fourth grade I told people I wanted to be the Secretary of State. That dream didn’t die like my crush on Aaron Carter but at some point it was scaled back. The slightly less ambitious manifestation of my early career aspirations lead me to the Foreign Service.

Intrigued by any career that uses a multiple choice history exam to hire employees, I signed up for the FSOT (Foreign Service Officer’ Test). Consistent with my MO however, I watched movies and ate Kung Pow Chicken the night before the exam instead of studying. But around 50% of test-takers pass and thanks to AP US History and an essay question on energy policy, I was one of them.

I was more zealous about FS selection process before I was invited to serve in Thailand and my medium-run employment was secured. The zeal briefly returned when I passed the test but diminished again when I read the prompts for the Personal Statement (the next step in the application process). The prompts themselves are humbling reminders that I’m a 20-year-old accounting assistant with a just a bachelor’s and relatively little life experience. And they’re extra tough to write because the State Department really doesn’t want you to lie :P

I’m so excited to be doing what I love in Thailand for the next two years that it’s hard to be excited about writing a lengthy statement intended to weed out a lot of applicants. But I am excited by the thought of one day negotiating American and World economic interests abroad. And from the exam to diplomatic appointment, Foreign Service selection can be a multi-year process. This may be the best time to give it the old college try. The PS is due November 16^th so at the absolute earliest I will start writing is the 13^th (in the mean time I may write two to three more blog posts, because I don’t have to write those). And this may the round where I’m weeded out. But this is (kind of) my life long dream and I would be a great diplomat so I’ll let you know how it goes :) 

Mae Nak Phra Khanong: A Ghost Story

Trolling the internet today, I happened across a Thai ghost story. No, this is lie. I very deliberately googled "Thai Ghost Stories" so I would have something tantalizing for my Halloween blog post. What I found is a true story of love that endures beyond the grave (or for the sake of religious accuracy, crematory monument). It's worth noting, like any true ghost story this one has many variations. I pick and chose my favorite parts. So without further ado: The Story of Mae Nak (with footnotes).

In the time of King Mongkut 1 Siam waged many wars on the Shan people of Burma 2. During one such conflict Mak, the young husband of Mae Nak3, is called away to serve his King on the Burmese border. Nak is heart broken thinking her husband may not live to meet their unborn child.

After many months of bravely slaughtering Burmese4, Mak is critically injured and sent to Bangkok to coalesce. It is during Mak's stay in BKK5 that his wife dies unexpectedly giving birth to a son. Sadly, the news doesn't reach our protagonist and he makes his way home expecting to find his loving wife and child.

A film depiction of Mae Nak

Interestingly, that's exactly what he finds. Nak's "undying6" love for Mak won't let her soul move on. So Mak unwittingly settles into his life with the undead.

A busybody neighbor tries to warn Mak of Nak's metaphysical transformation but police records show she was burned alive in a unexplained house fire7. Mak's own mother-in-law drops by to tell him he's living with the ghost of her dead daughter, but  then she drops dead before she can utter the words.

Perhaps if  Nak had been able to keep up the charade, they all could have happily in limbo until Mak's own passing when they would be reunited in some kind of Kharmic, reincarnative after-life8. Unfortunately for all modern Thai children afraid of ghosts , one day Mak witnesses his corpse bride extending her arm through the ceiling into the upstairs bedroom to "grab something." Mak knows he's seen too much and devises a plan to escape. 

Wat Mahabut, the legendary
safe haven for Mak12

That night Mak bites the bullet and gets into bed with his dead wife one more time before excusing himself to relieve himself. 

The ghost of Nak knows Mak has run away but doesn't reach him before he jumps into a sticky Blumea plant9. Covered in Blumea sap, Mak runs to the only other place he's sure he's safe from his dead lover, the hallowed ground of a temple.

Statue of Nak at Wat Mahabut

Knowing she has lost the love of her after-life, Mae Nak returns to her village to...why else?..terrorize the town folk. The village is then plagued by illness and violence until a town elder suggests they call in a specialist...an exorcist10. 

The exorcist binds Nak's soul to the skull of her corpse. Here her soul will remain until an unsuspecting virgin farang visits Nak's shrine at Wat Mahabut, lights a black flame candle, and unleashes her vengeful spirit11

1 You may remember this venerated Thai leader from his unflattering portrayal in Rodgers and Hammerstein's beloved musical, The King and I.

2 Or Myanmar, depending on which dictatorship/occupation  you choose to validate.

3 Ms. Nak. Mae is Ms. in Thai.

4 Man, those Bumese cannot catch a break.

5 BKK is the cool way to write Bangkok.

6 Pun intended

7 No they don't. This is anachronistic and made up.

8The mechanics of reincarnation in Theravada Buddhism are fuzzy to me.

9 Fun fact: ghosts hate sticky blumea leaves.

10Cue Tubular Bells.

11 So, this last bit is based on Disney's Hocus Pocus. But the real versions aren't very scary. Thais respect her deep devotion to her husband and visit the shrine erected in her honor. She's like the Patron Saint of Obsession.

12Fellow volunteers, we're going here next Halloween

Telai-Ka?

When I went to Thailand in 2008, I learned about five words. I think karma is sending me back to learn Thai.

 I purchased Rosetta Stone, so now I can say things like, "airplane" and "the two girls are hopping," or maybe running- it's really hard to tell from the image. I am focusing on learning the numbers, though.

One of the those five words I learned was some kind of anglicized approximation of, "how much?" (as in, how much does it cost?) As a precocious 17-year-old, I would go up to every shop-owner or street vendor and proundly ask, "telai-ka?" somehow forgetting each time that I wouldn't understand their Thai reply.

So now is the time to nail down that counting thing, so when I order my firsrt Pad Thai in Bangkok I won't be that farang- farang is Westerner, I know that one too ;)