S.E.A.P.

"Why'd it have to be snakes?"

I scoured my whole pineapple stall today. Not because the old adage, “cleanliness is next to godliness” finally hit home. It was because I had another nightmare about snakes.

I had my first in a long series of snake nightmares, the week my Peace Corps invitation came in the mail. Once I knew it would be Thailand, I knew there would be snakes involved in my service.  Though I've only seen two live snake in Thailand my nightmares are along Raiders of the Lost Ark lines. 

I cleaned my house because there must be no place a snake can hide. It's now a compulsion that I be able to see every inch of floor space in my shed, so there's nothing left on my floor. There isn't a crumb to be found because crumbs attract vermin and vermin attract snakes. I live in the cleanest two rooms in Thailand.

There is a small gap between one of my window pains and its sills. I stuck a broom out the window to fill the space as an extra snake-deterrent.

My pathology has driven my eyes to to complete a full inspection of the bathroom every time I enter. I'm just now realizing how psychotic this is. I read somewhere that some snakes live in sewers and could enter a home through the drain pipe. The drain pipe is that first place my eyes scan before I enter my bathroom.

All this caution prompted me to wonder what I would actually do if I found a snake in bathroom or hanging out under my one piece of furniture. So yesterday, I enacted a Snake Emergency Action Plan or SEAP for short. It’s a work in progress, but here is the plan so far:

1. Scream

2. Run