In Thailand, by day I am an adult. I go to training classes, conduct interviews, and network . I discuss nuanced development topics with other adults. I forage for my own lunch and pay for it with my Peace Corps salary. I moonlight as a child.
Yesterday morning I was greeted with bad news. The "handsome" host brother I have yet to meet is in the hospital in BKK. My host parents would be leaving for the capital within the hour.
After I was assured in Thainglish that he would make a full recovery from the moto-cy accident and was not in a coma (nothing feels more calloused than acting out comatose), I started to wonder child-like things like, "How will I find food for dinner?" and "What am I going to do all night with no one to entertain me?"
Peace Corps presents a strange dichotomy. Volunteers simultaneously take on the responsible role of development worker- requiring maturity, responsibility, and technical training- and of host child to a family that understands your language and cultural proficiency is that of a four-year-old. Taking the boldest step of my life thus far- joining the Peace Corps- has left me feeling juvenile and naive.
It is exhausting having my competency stripped away, exhausting and humbling. I guess it's good to not feel feel like the shit all the time. I'm sure my sister, Claire, will want to thank my the nation of Thailand for wiping the "perpetual smug look" off my face. And someday soon, I do hope to progress, at least to metaphorical puberty.
By the way, my host brother is doing well and I did eventually find food to eat.
I love this post! so true, just wait, at a point in your service you will hit the puberty mark, and then you get to start having temper tantrums again! but at least this time around you'll be able to understand why :)
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